At What Cost?

This afternoon as we returned from Target a lightning storm broke out. Hurriedly, I removed Harrison from his car seat.

JORDAN: We better hurry up, Harry! We don't want to get hit by lightning! It might give us amazing powers! Powers that, although wondrous and exciting at first will eventually hurt those we care about most and ultimately lead to our own demise!

Artist's Rendering

MELISSA: *shakes head in disapproval*

Movie Star

SPEAKING TO A GUY I SEE AT WORK SOMETIMES:

JORDAN: You know, you remind me of somebody.

GUY: (intrigued) Who?

JORDAN: (thoughtful) Geez, I don't know! I'm trying to think of who it could be.

GUY: (still intrigued) Somebody who works here?

JORDAN: (increasingly annoyed with self) No... I think it's somebody from a movie or something. It's gonna drive me nuts until I can think of it too.

GUY: (intrigued and somewhat flattered) Hmm... (cocks his head) A movie star, huh?

JORDAN: (watches guy cock his head and suddenly realizes which "movie star" he's thinking of)

Crap.

JORDAN: Uh... (feigns resignation) I can't think of it right now. I'll let you know if I do. (runs away)

SCENE.

Day 6- A Day You Wish You Could Relive!

You'd probably expect me to write about my wedding day or Harrison's birth or something obvious like that, don't you? Of course I would love to relive those days but I have experienced moments of sheer bliss on far less monumental days so I've decided to write about one such instance here.

One Saturday a couple of months ago we were walking around Costco and I suddenly I got sick. It was an odd sort of sickness in that I didn't feel that bad. I felt kind of cold inside and when I walked around I felt that there was a distinct possibility that I would pass out at any given moment. It was a sort of feeling like when you lean too far back in a chair and start to fall backwards. That moment just before you catch yourself.

This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Anyway, like I said it wasn't a particularly unpleasant feeling but I knew that I shouldn't be walking around and certainly should be driving in my current condition. So I did what any right-thinking Christian man would do and went home and headed straight for bed. (I'm not sure what christianity has to do with any of this but there you go.) Almost immediately I feel into a blissful slumber. I woke up a few hours later feeling the same only slightly less sleepy. It was probably about three in the afternoon at that point and I was suddenly struck with the euphoric realization that I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything until church the next day (Here's that dang Christianity thing again!) and I could just stay in bed the rest of the day watching American Pickers on my laptop and napping. And you know what? I did just that. In that moment I felt what it must have been like to of been Brian Wilson in the seventies and it was glorious.

Genius.

Day 5- A Favorite Quote!

Ok, so I already fell a bit behind. What can I say? It's been a crazy and difficult few days. I'll try not to let it happen again. At least I've done a couple extra credit blogs in the past so I don't feel too bad about it. Let's just continue as if nothing happened, deal? Deal.

As you may have already deduced from the title of this blog, today I'm supposed to write about a favorite quote of mine. Luckily, I was able to locate this fancy image which includes the quote I was planning to use:

Ah, I love Star Trek!

Haha! Zing!  Not really. The actual quote I thought to use is applicable to anybody who may be unhappy with what they have.  

I read it a few years ago in Bob Dylan's extremely enjoyable autobiographical work, Bob Dylan Chronicles Volume I. I highly recommend this book even if you're not a fan of Dylan's music. It's full of interesting observations, great humor and a surprising amount of wisdom for a book written by an old rockstar. I think the quote I've chosen is indicative of the folksy wisdom you will find inside:

 "If you don't have all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don't have that you don't want. 

As I recall it was a piece of advice taught to him by his grandmother when he was a child that he has carried with him throughout his life. I think it's brilliant. I may not have a great job but I don't have cancer either. When you think about that and you know that there are people in this world that do have to deal with that terrible illness, how can you possibly complain? Or what if you do have cancer? There's always something worse that you could have that would add to your misery. 

It also reminds me of the old Simon and Garfunkel song, "Richard Corey". It's about an extremely wealthy man who is very important and respected in his community. It is written from the perspective of a man who works for Mr. Corey in a factory and is envious of his seemingly perfect lifestyle. At the end of the song, the man reads in the newspaper that Richard Corey, much to his surprise had committed suicide the previous evening. Obviously, Richard had problems that the narrator in his jealousy hadn't considered. If he had considered them, I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted to have to deal with those problems and would rather keep his own lifestyle instead, no matter how unglamorous it may be. 

No matter how difficult your circumstance is, things could always be worse. Be grateful for the things you don't have that you don't want. 

Odd.

From luckylabs.com, here is a picture of a moose that got drunk after eating some fermenting apples and then got stuck in a tree. 

"Annd I thiink to myseeellff, what a wonderfuuul wooorld"

Day 4- A Favorite Television Program!

This one is particularly tricky for me as I have to chose something old since Melissa and I haven't allowed any TV shows or movies without a positive message in our house for almost a year now. That pretty much relegates us to a few HGTV shows and PG movies. Maybe a couple PG-13's (Harry Potter series, LOTR, etc.) That means no Thursday night comedies too so I can't really choose my beloved Community because I missed the entire last season and it could be horrible now for all I know. (I doubt it.)


I decided to pick a series that is one of my all time favorites that I think helped shape my personality more than any show in history. That show would have to be the late great Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Mike or Joel? I prefer the Jordan years myself.

I still vividly remember the first time I stumbled upon an episode. It was a Saturday morning. The comedy channel was brand new and I was flipping around and saw this horrible looking movie with these three little silhouettes making some of the most hilarious and obscure comments I had ever heard and just eviscerating this awful film. Yes. This. Is. It. My new favorite show. If you haven't had the pleasure, do yourself a favor and watch them do their thing here. You'll thank me later.

Day 3- Part II. Extra credit!

So today I found myself talking to an intimidating looking security guard. He sort of looked like this:

It was my first time speaking with him and we were talking about something that had just happened at the hospital when all of the sudden the 1960's hit song Baby Love by The Supremes started emanating from somewhere about his person. I didn't immediately realize exactly where the song was coming from and I sort of winced with annoyance and confusion as he searched his pockets for the cell phone from whence the offending music sprang.

 "Motown!" he proudly stated as he finally was able to fish the phone out from his pocket. Not thinking and speaking a little louder than I had hoped to I muttered, "More like HO-Motown."  

Immediately I froze with what I'm sure was a horrified look on my face with the realization that he had indeed heard what I had so stupidly said out loud instead of within the safe and cozy confines of my head. I stood there for what seemed like an hour waiting for the inevitable reaction which was sure to be violent. 

He narrowed his eyes at me which was absolutely terrifying and then he sort of cocked his eyebrow and broke into a huge smile and began laughing hysterically. A huge sigh of relief escaped me and laughed as he told the person on the other end of the line about my genius and hilarious wit. 

I guess the moral of this story is, if you're talking to an intimidating and imposing looking man who could easily murder you with his bare hands, don't be afraid to imply that he's a homosexual.

Day 3- A Favorite Book!

One of my all time favorite book is No Country For Old Men by Cormac McCarthy. He has written a few novels I would recommend but none speaks to me as much as does No Country and the character of Sheriff Bell in particular. If you have not read the book but have seen the excellent film adaptation by the Coen brothers, he is the character portrayed by Tommy Lee Jones. Although the screenplay was wonderfully adapted from the novel and Jones' portrayal of Sheriff Bell was spot on, the book delves into the character with so much more depth than I believe any movie could properly do. The movie did do a great job incorporating many of the amazing folksy expressions the novel is so loaded with. It makes me want to completely change the way that I speak.

Each chapter begins with a sort of monologue by Sheriff Bell. If you ever find yourself in a bookstore with a few minutes on your hands, pick up the novel and randomly flip through till you find one of these passages. They are easily distinguished as they are written in italics. If you can get through one of those passages and are not immediately hooked, I'm not sure we can be friends anymore. 
    

Aww, don't look at me like that, Tommy. I'm only teasing.

Although the character and I come from very different backgrounds, Sheriff Bell and I have a lot in common philosophically speaking. Reading this character's thoughts and observations was very enlightening to me as the author was able put into words many truths that I have always felt inside but have never really been able, or even really thought to try to express on my own. Here are a couple quick examples: 

"I think the truth is always simple. It has pretty much got to be. It needs to be simple enough for a child to understand. Otherwise it'd be too late. By the time you figured it out it would be too late."

"...She kept on, kept on. Finally told me, said: I dont like the way this country is headed. I want my granddaughter to be able to have an abortion. And I said well mam I dont think you got any worries about the way the country is headed. The way I see it goin I dont have much doubt but what she'll be able to have an abortion. I'm goin to say that not only will she be able to have an abortion, she'll be able to have you put to sleep. Which pretty much ended the conversation."

“You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.” 

“I think by the time you're grown you're as happy as you're goin to be. You'll have good times and bad times, but in the end you'll be about as happy as you was before. Or as unhappy. I've knowed people that just never did get the hang of it. ” 

If you're still reading, thank you for indulging me. Do yourself a favor and read this taught little book. It's a quick, fun read with some profound messages. Love, Jordan

Day 2- A Favorite Movie!

It should come as no surprise that one of our family's favorite movies is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It is the only movie that Harry will sit down and watch for as long as we'll let him, which is fine with us because it never gets old.

Sadly, the scenes with Harry and I were cut do to a contractual dispute.

Although I do enjoy Tim Burton's re-imagining of the story I'd argue that the original version is far superior comedically, message-wise and musically. Sorry, Danny Elfman. I consider myself a fan of yours but I can't understand a thing that your Oompa Loompas are saying. I don't want to have to get out my copy of the book to follow along with the lyrics. Perhaps you've underestimated just how lazy I am.

Also, Gene Freaking Wilder and orange Oompa Loompas!

Admittedly, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (which is the title of the book by Roald Dahl and Tim Burton's film) is far more true to the book. I think the old movie teaches a much better lesson than the other versions. In all versions the rotten kids are ultimately done in by their individual evil traits, (Augustus=gluttony, Veruca=greed etc.) which is a good lesson in itself. But, at the end of Willy Wonka, we are rewarded with this amazing scene. Charlie DESERVES that factory. Nothing in the book or newer movie comes close to the power of scene with its lesson in selfless honesty and redemption.

Or the brilliance of Mr. Turkentine for that matter

Day 1- A Favorite Song!

I'm nothing if not a music aficionado with eclectic tastes. You'll find that a man such as I will have many favorite songs that change almost as fast and as often as I change plush robes and silken ascots. One of my perennial favorites as far as bands go, would have to be The Beach Boys.

Dennis couldn't be in this picture with us. He had to run off to swimming lessons. Ironic, isn't it?

Lately, after putting in hard day's work, I've been kind of moody when I've arrived home. One of the things I do to combat those negative feelings is to take Harry for a ride in the stroller while I jog. We listen to upbeat music from my workout mix to keep a good pace. The following song, although a silly and unimportant song from one of The Beach Boys' lesser known (and best) albums, always cheers me up. Ladies and gentlemen, from the Wild Honey album, I present "How She Boogalooed It."

30 Day Blog Challenge!

So this blog is off to a rather shameful start. The problem is, I am a man with many interests outside the world of blogging. Once the sleep pixies take tiny baby Harry away to the majestic mountains and enchanted fjords of his dreams, I like to hang out with melissa and/or paint, run, play guitar, mess with photoshop, read, screen print, etcetera. When is a fella supposed to find time to blog? Well, for  me over the next 30 days the answer to that question is every freakin' day! Why, you ask? Because to kick off this blog right I'm doing the 30 Day Blog Challenge! 

Here she is:
Day 1 — A favorite song
Day 2 — A favorite movie
Day 3 — A favorite book
Day 4 — A favorite television program
Day 5 — A favorite quote
Day 6 — A moment you wish you could relive
Day 7 — 5 things you could not possibly live without
Day 8 — A thank you letter to someone who has changed your life
Day 9 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — A song that you want played at your wedding (or was played)
Day 13 — A guilty pleasure
Day 14 — A vacation you would like to take
Day 15 — A person you admire
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry
Day 17 — An art piece
Day 18 — A time when you felt passionate and alive
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — Something you know you do differently than most people
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A way in which you want to be remembered
Day 24 — A movie no one would expect you to love
Day 25 — A recipe
Day 26 — A childhood memory
Day 27 — A physical feature you love
Day 28 — A scar you have, and its story
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — A motto or philosophy


Admittedly, a few of these topics are pretty lame so I may substitute them as I find appropriate. The point is to do 30 days straight of blogging. Also, it's my blog so I'll do it however I want. If you don't like it, there's the door↓

                                                                       Ray Manzarek of The Doors
Anyway, Stay tuned, folks! -Love, Jordan

Woo! Creativity!

For as long as I can remember I've always had the greatest admiration for creative types. If you're a musician, artist, designer, writer, etcetera and you can easily and effortlessly create things out of thin air that didn't exist before you made them, I think you're amazing and I think we should probably hang out more often than we do. (But you never call!)

For many of us creativity is a very difficult process and it takes much concentrated effort for us to create anything at all. When we do we often end up with lame, lackluster, Leno-nian quality results. Sadly, I feel that I fit very snuggly into this depressing category.

In the past, instead of even making an attempt at creating something, I would often decide that the end result wouldn't be worth the seemingly herculean effort and imminent frustration of getting it done.

 I'd usually end up thinking, "It is a hard thing which I have required of me"(see: Laman and/or Lemuel) and I'd decide that my time would be better spent on other worthy pursuits (see: a blissful afternoon's slumber). 

                                         

Well,  the past is past and the future is now! Awhile back I found this helpful little list of 33 ways to stay creative and I can tell you they really work!

                                                         (Click to embiggen)

 I can recommend almost all of these except for #9 (obviously) and #5 (What? You mean like become a ghost or something?) Anyway, I have saved this to my desktop and whenever I'm feeling stuck or in a creative slump I will try a thing or two from the list and inevitably a genius idea will develop. (Harrison Fjord, anyone?). 

Anyway, I just wanted to pass this along to my fellow creative wannabes out there in the hopes that it will help you as much as it has helped me.  Love, Jordan