Tuesday, September 27, 2011

At What Cost?

This afternoon as we returned from Target a lightning storm broke out. Hurriedly, I removed Harrison from his car seat.

JORDAN: We better hurry up, Harry! We don't want to get hit by lightning! It might give us amazing powers! Powers that, although wondrous and exciting at first will eventually hurt those we care about most and ultimately lead to our own demise!

Artist's Rendering

MELISSA: *shakes head in disapproval*

Monday, September 26, 2011

Movie Star


JORDAN: You know, you remind me of somebody.

GUY: (intrigued) Who?

JORDAN: (thoughtful) Geez, I don't know! I'm trying to think of who it could be.

GUY: (still intrigued) Somebody who works here?

JORDAN: (increasingly annoyed with self) No... I think it's somebody from a movie or something. It's gonna drive me nuts until I can think of it too.

GUY: (intrigued and somewhat flattered) Hmm... (cocks his head) A movie star, huh?

JORDAN: (watches guy cock his head and suddenly realizes which "movie star" he's thinking of)


JORDAN: Uh... (feigns resignation) I can't think of it right now. I'll let you know if I do. (runs away)


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Day 6- A Day You Wish You Could Relive!

You'd probably expect me to write about my wedding day or Harrison's birth or something obvious like that, don't you? Of course I would love to relive those days but I have experienced moments of sheer bliss on far less monumental days so I've decided to write about one such instance here.

One Saturday a couple of months ago we were walking around Costco and I suddenly I got sick. It was an odd sort of sickness in that I didn't feel that bad. I felt kind of cold inside and when I walked around I felt that there was a distinct possibility that I would pass out at any given moment. It was a sort of feeling like when you lean too far back in a chair and start to fall backwards. That moment just before you catch yourself.

This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Anyway, like I said it wasn't a particularly unpleasant feeling but I knew that I shouldn't be walking around and certainly should be driving in my current condition. So I did what any right-thinking Christian man would do and went home and headed straight for bed. (I'm not sure what christianity has to do with any of this but there you go.) Almost immediately I feel into a blissful slumber. I woke up a few hours later feeling the same only slightly less sleepy. It was probably about three in the afternoon at that point and I was suddenly struck with the euphoric realization that I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything until church the next day (Here's that dang Christianity thing again!) and I could just stay in bed the rest of the day watching American Pickers on my laptop and napping. And you know what? I did just that. In that moment I felt what it must have been like to of been Brian Wilson in the seventies and it was glorious.


Sunday, September 18, 2011

Day 5- A Favorite Quote!

Ok, so I already fell a bit behind. What can I say? It's been a crazy and difficult few days. I'll try not to let it happen again. At least I've done a couple extra credit blogs in the past so I don't feel too bad about it. Let's just continue as if nothing happened, deal? Deal.

As you may have already deduced from the title of this blog, today I'm supposed to write about a favorite quote of mine. Luckily, I was able to locate this fancy image which includes the quote I was planning to use:

Ah, I love Star Trek!

Haha! Zing!  Not really. The actual quote I thought to use is applicable to anybody who may be unhappy with what they have.  

I read it a few years ago in Bob Dylan's extremely enjoyable autobiographical work, Bob Dylan Chronicles Volume I. I highly recommend this book even if you're not a fan of Dylan's music. It's full of interesting observations, great humor and a surprising amount of wisdom for a book written by an old rockstar. I think the quote I've chosen is indicative of the folksy wisdom you will find inside:

 "If you don't have all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don't have that you don't want. 

As I recall it was a piece of advice taught to him by his grandmother when he was a child that he has carried with him throughout his life. I think it's brilliant. I may not have a great job but I don't have cancer either. When you think about that and you know that there are people in this world that do have to deal with that terrible illness, how can you possibly complain? Or what if you do have cancer? There's always something worse that you could have that would add to your misery. 

It also reminds me of the old Simon and Garfunkel song, "Richard Corey". It's about an extremely wealthy man who is very important and respected in his community. It is written from the perspective of a man who works for Mr. Corey in a factory and is envious of his seemingly perfect lifestyle. At the end of the song, the man reads in the newspaper that Richard Corey, much to his surprise had committed suicide the previous evening. Obviously, Richard had problems that the narrator in his jealousy hadn't considered. If he had considered them, I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted to have to deal with those problems and would rather keep his own lifestyle instead, no matter how unglamorous it may be. 

No matter how difficult your circumstance is, things could always be worse. Be grateful for the things you don't have that you don't want. 

Thursday, September 15, 2011


From luckylabs.com, here is a picture of a moose that got drunk after eating some fermenting apples and then got stuck in a tree. 

"Annd I thiink to myseeellff, what a wonderfuuul wooorld"

Day 4- A Favorite Television Program!

This one is particularly tricky for me as I have to chose something old since Melissa and I haven't allowed any TV shows or movies without a positive message in our house for almost a year now. That pretty much relegates us to a few HGTV shows and PG movies. Maybe a couple PG-13's (Harry Potter series, LOTR, etc.) That means no Thursday night comedies too so I can't really choose my beloved Community because I missed the entire last season and it could be horrible now for all I know. (I doubt it.)

I decided to pick a series that is one of my all time favorites that I think helped shape my personality more than any show in history. That show would have to be the late great Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Mike or Joel? I prefer the Jordan years myself.

I still vividly remember the first time I stumbled upon an episode. It was a Saturday morning. The comedy channel was brand new and I was flipping around and saw this horrible looking movie with these three little silhouettes making some of the most hilarious and obscure comments I had ever heard and just eviscerating this awful film. Yes. This. Is. It. My new favorite show. If you haven't had the pleasure, do yourself a favor and watch them do their thing here. You'll thank me later.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Day 3- Part II. Extra credit!

So today I found myself talking to an intimidating looking security guard. He sort of looked like this:

It was my first time speaking with him and we were talking about something that had just happened at the hospital when all of the sudden the 1960's hit song Baby Love by The Supremes started emanating from somewhere about his person. I didn't immediately realize exactly where the song was coming from and I sort of winced with annoyance and confusion as he searched his pockets for the cell phone from whence the offending music sprang.

 "Motown!" he proudly stated as he finally was able to fish the phone out from his pocket. Not thinking and speaking a little louder than I had hoped to I muttered, "More like HO-Motown."  

Immediately I froze with what I'm sure was a horrified look on my face with the realization that he had indeed heard what I had so stupidly said out loud instead of within the safe and cozy confines of my head. I stood there for what seemed like an hour waiting for the inevitable reaction which was sure to be violent. 

He narrowed his eyes at me which was absolutely terrifying and then he sort of cocked his eyebrow and broke into a huge smile and began laughing hysterically. A huge sigh of relief escaped me and laughed as he told the person on the other end of the line about my genius and hilarious wit. 

I guess the moral of this story is, if you're talking to an intimidating and imposing looking man who could easily murder you with his bare hands, don't be afraid to imply that he's a homosexual.